Eric:
What are you reading with such delight?
Me:
An article about Serena and Venus losing in Beijing.
Eric:
Losing what? What are they doing in Beijing?
Me:
They're playing in the Olympics!
Eric:
What?!?! There's other people competing at the Olympics besides Michael Phelps?!?!?
Me:
Wow, your jealously is embarrassing.
The Pebble
Bennett:
Wait ... your brother. He looks like The Rock.
Bennett:
But he's much smaller. What's smaller than a rock?
Me:
A pebble?
Bennett:
Dude! Your brother is The Pebble!
Me:
Hello?
Mom:
Jona? Why do you sound half alive?
Me:
I'm hungover. :(
Mom:
Some one gave you a ride home, right?
Me:
Mama ya of course. I know better than to drink and drunk.
Mom:
Huh?
Me:
I don't drink and drunk, Ma!
Mom:
Are you still drunk?
Me:
Sure maybe yeah.
Kimberly:
So I went to Hollywood Video and asked the guy to recommend a good documentary and the only one he could think of to recommend was .... oh what was it called .... "French Fry Me".
Me:
"French Fry Me"? As in "Supersize Me?"
Kimberly:
Or maybe yes.
Sexy Can I
Sister:
Oh, did you know "Sexy Can I" is about a stripper?
Me:
Yeah. Didn't the line "Sexy can I visit you at work while you're sliding down the pole with no panties, no shirt" indicate "Sexy's" job?
Sister:
Well I heard that, but didn't correlate the two.
Me:
You have a pole at your work?
Sister:
A flag pole. That's what I thought he was talking about.
Sister:
It's ok. I still like the song. Isn't it by that guy who made that video with that girl you think looks like me?
Me:
Kim Kardashian? You are Kim Kardashian.
Sister:
I get that a lot.
While waiting for the police to arrive after my car was burglarized ...
Me:
Hey, maybe that guy did it.
Carol:
Why? Cos he's black and is wearing a du-rag and dressed all one color?
Me:
No, because he's looking meanly at us.
Carol:
It's called squinting. It usually happens when the sun is directly in people's eyes ... like it is in his.
Me:
Hey, I never said I was Jessica Fletcher did I?
Hi, my name is Jona and I'm an Appleholic.
Carol:
Jona is such a gadget and Apple junkie. Even if it was a robot that killed its owner, she would buy it. 'Jona that robot will kill you.' 'Yeah but it's the newest thing from Apple and Steve Jobs debuted it at MacWorld!'.
Me:
Wow, I would take great offense to that if it weren't so true.
Niki:
Even you can't argue such a truthful statement, Jona.
Loop? There's a loop of which one can be out?
Co-Worker:
What!?!?! Heath Ledger died!?!?!
Me:
Yeah. Hey, that rock you've been living under, is the rent very high?
CW:
Oh that's Heath. I thought he was Jake.
Me:
No Jake is the other one. He's dating Reese Witherspoon now.
CW:
What?!?! She's publicly cheating on Ryan Philippe?
Me:
You need to subscribe to Perez Hilton RSS.
CW:
And who would that be?